Calm, Balanced, Focused
Daily intention-setting has become a regular practice for me. And I’ve finally managed to veer away from the laundry list of all I’d might like to get done to more helpful guiding questions like: How would I like to feel today? Or, With what qualities will I approach my day? Sometimes I lean into joy, or appreciation, or kindness. But what comes up more than anything else are three words: calm, balanced, focused.
Calm has never been my modus operandi. And I may have even convinced myself at various points in my life that it was fine not to be calm, because too much calmness would flatten the angsty juice that drives my writing and other modes of creative expression. But especially in the last ten years, as my anxiety and blood pressure increased and I began to feel world issues on a more visceral level, the absence of calm began to feel like a tunnel in the shelter I built around myself that kept widening, leaving a clear path for termites.
Still, it’s hard to both lean into calm and also to feel the pain of all that’s askew in the universe. How many violent videos and horrible news stories can we take in before feeling flat and numb? It took me a while to realize that calm is not the same as numb, and that I could let myself feel and acknowledge painful realities without having to be subsumed by them. In fact, being calm has made me a better activist, and I no longer fault myself for putting down the phone, or walking away from the laptop, or choosing not to read a particular post or article because I’ve had enough.
What this is about is being balanced. While I certainly take in my share of bad news and many times find myself ensconced in the sadness it engenders, I’m at my best when I can stay out of overwhelm, and balance my emotional responses with steady and thoughtful action. Balance also means tempering my day by adding nurturing and self-care to the things I put on my task list. And it also means balancing my expectations because I never get close to doing everything on my task list!
And being balanced also means applying a steady focus to whatever I’m doing, rather than being distracted and trying to too many things at once–which, of course, affects my ability to stay calm. And I’ll admit, right now, I’m feeling a bit frenetic because I only have 45 minutes to revise and post this blog before I’m called to other tasks that have times assigned to them for the rest of the evening. And I’ll also admit that I haven’t been very focused while writing this, as I keep veering off to answer emails or texts, or check social media. Intentions, at best, are aspirations that aren’t always met. So in addition to addressing my tendency to distract myself instead of focusing, I also need to be gentle–if firm–when corralling myself back to the task at hand, without beating myself up with a barrage of self-criticism.
Despite not always fulfilling my intentions, I find setting them useful. Because my ratio of calm/focus/balance as opposed to frenetic/distracted/overwhelmed has increased significantly, just by putting forth the desire. And the best is when I notice times that I’m deliberately cultivating calm and focus, while actively choosing to ignore the urges toward reactiveness and self-distraction bubbling up inside me.
I find this helpful and comforting, Dina. I am not feeling calm, focused or balanced. But because you are feeling this more and more with your intentions, it seems possible. Miss you very much.
balance is so critical these days! deny nothing, accept everything.
truth has no favorites.